I got angry at somebody at work. I didn’t say anything unpleasant, but I said something in an unpleasant way. Maybe in the 10 Non Virtues it would be classified under “harsh words”. Things were pretty awkward for the rest of Friday and the following week.
Immediately afterwards I felt hazy and unfocused. I was unproductive for the rest of the day. Later I felt ashamed for becoming angry and that feeling has stayed with me. It is such an unpleasant feeling that it puts me off wanting to be angry again.
The whole experience has made work seem unattractive, partly because of the situation itself, mainly due to the shame, but it also raises a question. If my current job gives rise to these situations and feelings, then is this the right job for me? Unfortunately, there will always be difficulties arising in any job, just with different people and problems.
The difficult problem arose and was experience due to my own karma, ripening at that moment. Unfortunately I did not apply “mind training” teachings to transform the problem into an opportunity to learn about patience and see the other person as a kind teacher. I missed the opportunity and instead reacted with an angry response.
The angry response began with irritation and escalated. The angry response was based on my self-cherishing mind – what I thought and felt about the situation. “I don’t like that”. “You’re getting out of my way”. “Me”.
Yes, I will try to apply the teachings when the opportunity presents itself in the future. In practical terms, I will probably need to just stand up and walk out of the office for 10 minutes. Using this time and opportunity I will try to apply the “mind training” teachings to transform the situation and see the other person differently. Having done this I will try to reflect on the emptiness of the situation, the other person, the labelling of “irritated”, and “me”.
The shame that I have been carrying has no benefit. Maybe it had a little benefit at first. Now that I have learned my lesson I need to be able to move forward. I resolve to try harder next time.